Thursday, November 13, 2008

注定的错爱 Fated Love

这次肤浅的我,又要告诉你,在下对另一个女生的回忆了。哈哈!!我知道一定有很多人以为我真的有太多太多抑郁了,所以一直都在说女生。没错!我是很抑郁,生理上我是,心理上我更加是!高兴了吗??


Yeah Baby!! I'm going to talk about girl again! Yes! I'm damn desperate, physically and psychologically!! So, please forgive loh~!

我想起了她…没错!就是那个曾让我六神无主、迷失方向的那个女生。一如常规,我不会告诉你她的名字;也一如常规,我不会怪谁,只会怪我自己,因为我没有那个资格去责备人。


Yes, I think about her again! That's her I was talking about, in my first post of this blog! She was my dream girl!! As usual, I won't tell you her name; as usual, not going to blame people, but myself!

她是一个非常活泼开朗的女生,另一方面你又会觉得她很糊里糊涂。稍微作弄一下她,她真的会很认真的被你开的玩笑作弄到。这一点,是我觉得非常有趣的地方;也是这一点,过去的我或真认为那是“注定”。当然,并没有这么简单就让我觉得这是“注定”。让我觉得注定的源由,应该要从我不知道为何开玩笑,开大了的关系,而演变成一场“注定的错爱”的故事。


She is a very naughty girl, but at the same time, she is very naive too!! If you trying to play a joke on her, she will just get tricked very easily!! That's the interesting part, also the main trigger which make me feel that, she is the destiny!! (haha, last time I use "fate" for the Charming Lady, now I use "destiny" for my ex-dream girl!).

那天,我一如往常,在想着自己写的故事该如何发展。习惯一面听歌,一面融入角色的我,尝试把一些发生在自己周边的趣事,加进故事里面。就在我回想着自己周边最近发生过什么事时,第一个想到的,当然是她啦!就在想到她的这一瞬间,歌曲突然转变成那首自己最近一直在听的情歌,然后我觉得把那些发生在我与她之间的事情,都一一经过编排、编辑,然后放进我写的那个故事里面。

It all happen in the day when I was thinking about the new plot for the story, and it is a habit of mine, listening song to get myself into the character, because the story was written in first person. Back then, I like to use those funny things which happen around me as the inspiration to write the story, of course the most funny part of my life back then, it was her! Suddenly, the song just changed to my favorite love song, and I just decided to put those things into the story, of course with little editing and arrangement.


随后,每当我再次融入角色的时候,我都会想到她,反而不是故事里的女主角。久而久之,这份感觉变得强烈,变得实在,变得疯狂。我反复地问了自己好几次,“我喜欢上了她吗??”,“我真的喜欢上她了吗??”。

After that, I will just think of her in every time when I was trying go into the character, and as time passes, I was no longer thinking about the girl in the story, but just her. And I try to ask myself, again and again, "Am I interested in her??", "Am I in love??".

我开始疑问自己,到底是因为自己太过投入故事的角色,抑或是自己把现实和虚构给融合了呢?后来我想了想,我在故事里面用的角色就是我自己,那我对她那份感觉,当然就是我本人的感觉。对,我喜欢上她了!!没错,我就是这样经过一次又一次地疑问,才发觉到自己喜欢上她了。我知道这理由非常无稽,也非常无理,但这也不是我所能清晰分辨得到。当然,当我完成了那故事之后,我对她的感觉依然健在,这就足够证明,喜欢上她的,不是角色,而是我本身。

I was so confuse that, am I too into the character?? So that the person who like her, is not myself but the character?? However, the character is me, myself, so I confirm that I, myself is the one who is in love!! Yes, I have been questioned myself again and again, only I realize I'm in love. I know that's sound crazy, and is weird, too but that is the truth anyway.

不过,这也发生得非常不顺利。从我开始觉得喜欢上她的那天起,我大概也察觉到她知道了(大概也因为那次的玩笑开大了吧!)。当她知道之后,我完全没有机会可以去了解她,另一方面,更要遭受着朋友的讥讽。当然,我并没有责怪的意思,能责怪的当然只有自己的胆小和无力。

So that was how the thing begin, but also how she start to treat me cool, but I think it was just because I always make fun on her. Well, whatever the reason is, I just lost the chance to know her more. On the other hand, my friends just making fun me, too. For me, I have no experience at all of handling the situation, also don't have the courage of doing things like chasing her, so I can only blame myself!

直到我飞到来悉尼念书的一年半间,我不时都还想着她。不过,跟她根本就没有怎样特定的关系,说好听只是朋友而已,而且还是不熟的朋友。如果我没有在MSN上跟她打招呼,大概这一年半也不会得到她的理睬吧,是完全没有希望。

So, one not doing anything, one just being cool, of course nothing happen after all. And that's just made a year, and I fly to Sydney. In Sydney, I still miss her sometimes, but I barely MSN with her, and of course she won't MSN me, too because we are not that close after all. And, that just making everything hopeless.

在喜欢她的这段时间,在遭受着她冷淡的同时,我总是怀着能“更加认识她”而抱负着一个希望,所以我不停地对自己说“这个世界是充满着希望的!这个世界是充满机会的!”,因为我总希望着那不可能的东西会变成事实。然而很遗憾的,那个微小的希望,渐渐地变成遗憾,因为我已经离开了,没有机会了。

During the time when I was still in Malaysia, when she treating me very cool, I always hope that I would have a chance to know her more. That's why I keep on telling myself that "The world is full of hope!!! The world is full of chances!!". As a reason I was wishing something quite impossible to happen, and that's made the Theory of Hope for myself. Nevertheless, since I have left, there is chance no more!

大概从我投入那个角色,喜欢上她的一刻,已经是一个注定。接着,在怀着希望,更想去认识她、接近她,已经是个错误。在我离开之后,一份固执所坚持的后悔,所慢慢形成的爱意,是一种无奈。

Maybe on the day when I knew that I love her, is already a mistake, and move on to when I hoped to know her more, the mistake is just becoming serious. Further more, when I still miss her after I left Malaysia, it just become a Fated Love.

无论是我或是在故事里的角色,我的确是对你,有着一份无奈的爱意。
我深信那是个注定,但却是一场注定的错爱!

No matter is the character or myself, I do believe both of us do love you.
And I do believe that is the destiny, but it just became a Fated Love.


我可曾在酒醉的时候,一直对着自己说:“不要走,不要走…”。

I do ask myself "Don't go Sydney, don't go.." when I get drunk, during last semester.

因为我总是在想,
如果当初我没有离开,
如果当初我没有一直放弃机会,
那或许就不会是一场遗憾的无奈……
那或许就不会是一场注定的错爱吧……

Because I do think of these all the time,
what if I didn't left,
what if I didn't just let go all those chances,
maybe you are truly my destiny,
maybe this wouldn't be a Fated Love, after all.....

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