Yeah Baby!! I'm going to talk about girl again! Yes! I'm damn desperate, physically and psychologically!! So, please forgive loh~!
Yes, I think about her again! That's her I was talking about, in my first post of this blog! She was my dream girl!! As usual, I won't tell you her name; as usual, not going to blame people, but myself!
She is a very naughty girl, but at the same time, she is very naive too!! If you trying to play a joke on her, she will just get tricked very easily!! That's the interesting part, also the main trigger which make me feel that, she is the destiny!! (haha, last time I use "fate" for the Charming Lady, now I use "destiny" for my ex-dream girl!).
It all happen in the day when I was thinking about the new plot for the story, and it is a habit of mine, listening song to get myself into the character, because the story was written in first person. Back then, I like to use those funny things which happen around me as the inspiration to write the story, of course the most funny part of my life back then, it was her! Suddenly, the song just changed to my favorite love song, and I just decided to put those things into the story, of course with little editing and arrangement.
After that, I will just think of her in every time when I was trying go into the character, and as time passes, I was no longer thinking about the girl in the story, but just her. And I try to ask myself, again and again, "Am I interested in her??", "Am I in love??".
I was so confuse that, am I too into the character?? So that the person who like her, is not myself but the character?? However, the character is me, myself, so I confirm that I, myself is the one who is in love!! Yes, I have been questioned myself again and again, only I realize I'm in love. I know that's sound crazy, and is weird, too but that is the truth anyway.
So that was how the thing begin, but also how she start to treat me cool, but I think it was just because I always make fun on her. Well, whatever the reason is, I just lost the chance to know her more. On the other hand, my friends just making fun me, too. For me, I have no experience at all of handling the situation, also don't have the courage of doing things like chasing her, so I can only blame myself!
So, one not doing anything, one just being cool, of course nothing happen after all. And that's just made a year, and I fly to Sydney. In Sydney, I still miss her sometimes, but I barely MSN with her, and of course she won't MSN me, too because we are not that close after all. And, that just making everything hopeless.
During the time when I was still in Malaysia, when she treating me very cool, I always hope that I would have a chance to know her more. That's why I keep on telling myself that "The world is full of hope!!! The world is full of chances!!". As a reason I was wishing something quite impossible to happen, and that's made the Theory of Hope for myself. Nevertheless, since I have left, there is chance no more!
Maybe on the day when I knew that I love her, is already a mistake, and move on to when I hoped to know her more, the mistake is just becoming serious. Further more, when I still miss her after I left Malaysia, it just become a Fated Love.
No matter is the character or myself, I do believe both of us do love you.
And I do believe that is the destiny, but it just became a Fated Love.
I do ask myself "Don't go Sydney, don't go.." when I get drunk, during last semester.
Because I do think of these all the time,
what if I didn't left,
what if I didn't just let go all those chances,
maybe you are truly my destiny,
maybe this wouldn't be a Fated Love, after all.....